Wednesday, May 10, 2006

So close

We got this letter in the mail a couple of days after Caleb passed away:

Your son, Caleb, was referred to the Developmental Progress Clinic (DPC) by the doctors and nurse practitioners that cared for him in the nursery at Egleston Hospital. He qualifies for follow-up in our clinic because he was premature or sick at birth.

The DPC is a special clinic for babies who were very small and/or sick at birth. The purpose of the clinic is to monitor neurological and developmental outcomes of these babies during the first 4-5 years of life. I have enclosed a brochure that will give you more detailed information about our clinic.

Caleb is scheduled for his first appointment in the DPC on Tuesday, July 25, 2006, at 9:00 am. If this appointment date or time is not convenient, please call and we would be happy to reschedule...

The letter was postmarked the day Caleb passed away.

He was so close to coming home. This Mother's Day I was supposed to have a baby at home. Now, I have an angel baby.

On to happier things...
Everything went well at the perinatologist Monday. My cervix is nice and long (average length is about 25 mm., I'm measuring 50 mm. Crazy, but GREAT!). I don't have any restrictions - besides the normal pregnancy restrictions.

The baby kept flashing us during the ultrasound (I get an ultrasound every time I go to the perinat.). I had a dream that the baby was a certain gender. I told Cary I thought it was that gender (even though they told us on April 24 that is probably wasn't). The baby's legs were wide open the whole time. It was like it was saying "mom, stop calling me a ____. I'm a ___."

I'll scan in ultrasound picture later and let you figure out the sex of the baby.
Oops- the scanner doesn't work. If I can get my butt to the office this weekend and if they haven't packed up the scanner yet, I will add the ultrasound picture this weekend.


Jen14221 said...

Just delurking to say hi and so sorry about Caleb's passing...and good luck with your current 'project'. Take care of yourself.

Jackie said...

I just read your blog for the first time today. I am so sorry to hear about Caleb. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family at this time. May God Bless you and keep you :)

Lucy Henry said...

So you are going to keep people waiting for the news. Boy or Girl!!I would say the baby will still do the funny things Caleb loved to do. The baby already knows how to make you laugh.

Kimberley said...

thank you Elizabeth for still blogging...I still want to know how you are and what's going on with you, Cary and Baby #2. Do you find that blogging and "getting it all out" helps and is somewhat healing too? I find writing to be very theraptic for me.

Rachel said...

Thanks for keeping us updated on what is going on with you guys.

I have started to post a comment several times, but I can't seem to come up with the right words. My heart just hurts for you and Cary. I can tell that God has given you strength through this and I pray that you will continue to feel his love and comfort.

About baby #2 - Just think how proud he/she will be to know that his/her privates were posted on the internet for the world to see :) (If you ever get to a scanner).

Erica said...

Here via Amalah's ClubMom roundup. Just wanted to let you know that you are in so many people's thoughts and prayers. It makes me happy to know that the Internet can be used for such a positive purpose! Good luck with your current pregnancy! Now I have yet another blog to follow. Will I ever get any work done?

Michelle said...

A little more than 11 years ago, April 15 1994 at 2:32pm, I watched my first born son take his first breath. At 3:07pm that same afternoon I watched him take his last. He was born far too early and there were complications that the OB/GYN hadn't discovered yet. I learned the following day that he had a severe and rare heart deformity and that even if born at full term his chances were low, he was in need of a heart transplant. About 15 months later, standing in the shower, I held my growing belly praying for "just one more week". I was filled with joy at having another son, yet still terrified at the final outcome. There were specialists and appointments that were so routine that there was little time to even consider all the "normal" things, such as preparing a nursery. August 24 1995, only 30 weeks into the pregnancy, I delivered a 2lb son. He fought, the specialists said that his chances were very said less than 10%. We named him Caelan, irish gaelic for strong fighter. Over the months he sampled almost everything from the menu of preemie complications. The days were long, and scary. I cried, I laughed, I pleaded. Twice he was scheduled to come home only to go back into the NICU sicker than we could have ever imagined him to be. On December 13 1995, my husbands birthday, we brought Caelan home. No oxygen, no tubes, meds of course, but healthy. This year Caelan will turn 11. There are no medical complications, he is healthy and happy.
Just wanted you to know that there is hope, there is joy through sorrow. Our children will forever touch us, in ways we will never imagine. Whether they grow everyday with us, allow us to know them for minutes, hours, or months they will continue to be with us and help us learn.
Thank you for finding the strength to share Caleb with us.

Mary Ann said...

Like Rachel, I have started to write several times. I can talk with you about Caleb, but when I start to write to you about him, I am a mess. I am so proud of the way you and Cary are "handling" this. I know you have good days, bad days and even worse days. And I know the road ahead is long and bumpy, but I also know that if you keep looking to God for help, He will keep providing it. Maybe not what you want, when you want it, but what you need when you need it. I know there are no easy answers and that what helps one day is totally wrong the next...maybe even the next second! Thank you for letting us try to help you. We will continue to TRY to support you without smothering you and without spewing platitudes!I am proud that you are allowing this to draw the two of you closer together. So many couples find themselves at opposite ends of friendship over the death of a child.
On to a new subject...waiting, waiting on the new pictures....I know, I know, the scanner isn't working. I think you are doing this just to torment everyone! You are dragging out telling if we get a new niece or nephew....I wonder how much money I could get to publish the answer before you post the pictures???? :) Love you, Mary Ann

Anonymous said...

Oh, Elizabeth. I am sitting here just crying my heart out for you. We lost a baby girl 3 years ago at 21 weeks, and I never got to spend time with her like you did with Caleb. I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling after having so much hope that he'd be okay. I am so so sorry for your whole family. I have read your archives and looked at pictures of your dear baby, and I just want you to know that I feel for you and your loss very deeply. God bless you and keep your Caleb close to Him. The pain does lessen as time goes on, and your little angel baby just becomes part of who you are, and it's painful and comforting all at the same time. Take care of yourself and your new little one.