took me long enough to update...

I’ve been following this blog for a while now. Her son was born a few days before Caleb. I was looking at the picture of her son last year at Christmas and I realized that’s the size Nolan is now! This time last year, I was looking at pictures of her son thinking that’s how big Caleb would be if he was term. Now, I’m looking at pictures of her son thinking Nolan will be that size this time next year!

My boys would have been 11 months apart - 8 months adjusted (that would have been fun to explain to strangers).

I wore my winter jacket for the first time this year yesterday. I felt something in my pocket. I reached in and found this:



It’s my arm band from Caleb’s last trip to Gwinnett. I put it back in my pocket. I’m not sure how I feel about finding it, but I like having it there. It’s a like a little piece of Caleb is with me. (I have little pieces of Nolan everywhere - from my hair that I don’t have time to dry before work, to the pictures of him on my fancy new phone, to the occassional spit-up on my clothes.)



Nolan will be 3 months old Monday. Can you believe that? 3 months! We’re taking him Saturday for his 3 months/Christmas card pictures. While we’re at the mall, we might as well stop by and visit Santa. (Unless the line is really long and full of crying screaming parents - and kids. I’m sure Saturday at lunch time will be the perfect time to go. I will need a BIG dose of patience.)

Mary Ann’s baby did not come Dec. 1 like I predicted. She will have a scheduled c-section tomorrow at 5 p.m.

E’s baby is doing well. He is in the NICU. The dr is guessing he will be there for 2-3 weeks. If he keeps doing well, he may be home by Christmas! I jealous and excited for E and her family.

I joined Curves last night. I was member there a few years ago, just before Cary and I got married. It is a good, easy workout. Perfect for people who haven’t worked out in a while - like me! I’m determined to lose my last 15 Caleb pounds and my last 15 Nolan pounds. You can really pack on the pounds with 2 pregnancy back-to-back - and it takes a ton longer to lose the weight when you don't breastfeed*.

I pretty sure 1/2 of you don't read anything I say. You just scan for pictures.


tummy time





He's not always a big fan of tummy time.


after tummy time


I can't believe how cute he is!
He had too much to eat and had to unbutton his jeans.



*I wrote a whole post about not breastfeeding one day and I decided no one cared, so I deleted it. Basically, breastfed Nolan = 4 pound Nolan; formula fed Nolan = 13 pound Nolan. I had issues with not having enough milk with Caleb, too.

growing too fast!

Nolan's outgrown his 0-3 clothes. I have them packed up ready to go to Mary Ann for her new baby (I think she'll have him tomorrow).

Nolan is now in HUGE 3-6 month clothes. I kept him 0-3 as long as I could. I finally decided it was time to put him in sleepers big enough for him to stretch his legs.

He now smiles and laughs and talks. We've found a couple of his tickle spots.

On a sad note: Nolan is now wearing the size Caleb was wearing when he passed away. I was pulling some of the last things Caleb wore out for Nolan this morning. It was hard. The outfits have so many memories - good and bad. I don't know if I'll be able to dress Nolan in those clothes. We'll see.

Remember how I told you about my friend E? She is scheduled for a c-section tomorrow. She will be 34 weeks. Pray for her, the new one, her hubby, and their 5-year-old.

What happened to little Nolan?

This can't be Nolan.



Nolan is a tiny 5 pound baby.



Not this big 11 pounder.



I think Cary switched babies one day while I was at work.

Holidays

Someone asked me yesterday if I was looking forward to the holidays. I'm not. I'm afraid of the holidays. I'm starting to get cautiously excited about Thanksgiving. But, then I think of this:

One year ago tomorrow - November 22, 2005 - I was able to hold Caleb for the first time. He was 6 weeks old.

The day after Thanksgiving, I was shopping with my family. I was at the Gap looking at their preemie clothes when Cary called and told me the hospital had just called him to tell him they took Caleb off the respirator and put him on CPAP. (that was one big run-on sentence) He was doing so great on the CPAP they were able wean him some. That was a huge step for Caleb. I started to believe that he was on the track to coming home soon - maybe by Christmas! The Wednesday after Thanksgiving, Caleb was transported to Egleston for exploratory surgery. His stomach had been puffy for a few days. All the doctors (except Dr D) agreed it definitely was not NEC. At 11pm, the surgical resident called me to tell me Caleb's surgery was complete. They removed 6 inches of dead intestines. It looked like it was NEC. He bounced back from the surgery and grew so big. He was finally almost ready to come home! Then on April 24, 2006, he developed NEC again and died.

No, I'm not looking forward to the holidays. Last year was Caleb's first. We have a Christmas ornament for him. I didn't decorate for Christmas last year. I wanted to wait for Caleb to be home. This Christmas and Thanksgiving were going to be great. We were going to have two healthy boys at home. Caleb would be 10 months adjusted now. He would be close to walking. It was going to be great - and chaotic!

I am excited to have Nolan. I am excited that he will have his first everything. But, I'm afraid. What if he doesn't have his second or third or tenth holidays? My heart can't take it.

I am starting to get excited about Thanksgiving. I am excited to show Nolan off. He is HUGE now! But, I'm just as sad that I won't be able to show off Caleb.

I've heard the first holidays are the hardest. I hope next year hurts less.


Now, that's a nice cheerful post for your Thanksgiving holidays. Sorry about that. To make up for the sad post, I will tell you how dumb I have been lately. I now know what it feels like to be an airhead.
The other day, after Nolan's immunizations, I went to take his temperature. I couldn't get the thermometer to work. When I got home from work, I tried again. This time I took the cover off...

I had to get a calculator out to figure out 1/2 of 20.

My favorite:
I was excited about shopping the day after Thanksgiving so I could buy Nolan a new outfit to wear to Thanksgiving dinner. I took me a few days (yes, days) to figure out that if I bought him an outfit the day after Thanksgiving, he wouldn't be able to wear it Thanksgiving day (the day before I would have bought the outfit).

I know all the moms out there in blogland are laughing; Not because I'm such an airhead, but because they have done similar things.
Caleb took 1/2 my brain, Nolan took the other 1/2. I'm left with nothing.


Look at those chins!

Happy Thanksgiving!

back from the doctor

(I wrote this post for you last Wednesday. The pictures are from today.)



Nolan had is 2-month check-up yesterday. Mr. Mom took him all by himself. Cary said Nolan did great. Nolan barely cried when he got his shots.

We were guessing how much Nolan weighed. I said 10 pounds; Cary said 12 pounds. We were both wrong.

Nolan’s new stats:
weight: 11 pounds
height: 21 1/2”
head: 14”

He is measuring just below the 50th percentile for his weight and height. He head is measuring small - he has a little head like me.

The doctor recommended giving Nolan a warm bath last night. Nolan does good with baths. He will startle when I first put him in the water, but after a few seconds, he relaxes and enjoys the bath. He relaxed so much last night that he peed everywhere - he almost got me. He kept leaning to the side of his bath hammock with one arm in the water. I would adjust him and he would go right back to the side of the hammock with his head leaning on the side of the tub and his arm in the water (he was relaxed in that position when he peed everywhere.)

After bath time, we had mommy-nolan cuddle time. It’s great. I love mommy-nolan time. I miss mommy-caleb time.

Last night, while I was I holding Nolan he looked at me and gave me a big smile. It wasn’t gas; it wasn’t him just playing with facial expressions; it was a full big smile just for me.

I forgot to tell you he rolled over last week. He was fussy, so I put him on his belly to try to claim him down. I had to run downstairs for a second and when I got back Nolan was on his back. I put him back on his stomach to see if he would do it again. Nothing. He rolled over 1 time and I missed it.

This weekend I’m going to go through all the clothes he has outgrown and pass them on to my sister for her soon-to-be little one. I can’t believe he is in 0-3 months clothes (there are even a couple 0-3’s that he has outgrown!).