Wednesday, November 08, 2006


This isn't the post I told you I would write over the weekend. Going back to work is exhausting. I wrote this post a couple of days ago. This is the first chance I have had to post it. I will write a post about the new car, the new hair cut, and a full Nolan update soon!

I was going through my emails today and I ran across the folder I made with all the emails I received about Caleb. I made the mistake of reading them.

I'll share them with you. (you might want tissue - or a box of tissues for the preggos and post-partumers.)

This is what I sent to everyone 2 days after Caleb was born:
I'm home now. The doctor discharged me yesterday afternoon. It feels good to be out of a hospital bed.

We have named the baby - Caleb Robert Locke. In case you missed the stats. - He was born October 10 at 3:31 pm. He weighed 2 pounds, 1 ounce. They haven't measured his length yet. I was at 27 weeks.

We got a chance to talk to Caleb's doctor yesterday. He said Caleb's doing good. He is breathing some on his own. They were going to try to pull him off the machine last night. We're going back to the hospital later today and we'll know if he is off the machine then. The doctor told us preemies can have many problems. He feels hopeful about Caleb being ok. He told us our goal with Caleb for the next few weeks it to make it to the next day.

We got to touch him last night. It was great! He squeezed my hand.

I must say, Caleb is the cutest, sweetest little boy in the whole world. ;)

The doctor said I need to take it easy until I see her again in 6 weeks. I'm exhausted, this past week has been overwhelming. We don't want any visitors today.

Thanks for your prayers!! Please keep Caleb in your prayers.

Here are some of responses to the email:
Wow! Out of the hospital already! That is GREAT!
It was soooo.... exciting to see your baby, and I LOVE the name Caleb.

Glad everyone is doing well. I want to come visit soon, so you just let me know when it’s a good time for you, emotionally and physically. I told (our group of friends) about your news. I hope that was OK. I figured that the more people who knew would just mean more prayers of good wishes for Caleb.

I am so happy for you! Please know that you, Caleb, and Cary are all in my prayers. I hope you have a chance to relax a little today. I know it's especially good to know that the Dr. is hopeful about Caleb. My mom said to tell you that she knows a little girl who was born 3 mos. early (also at about 2 pounds) and now she is a bouncing 12 year-old, with no ill effects from being premature. We will pray for the same happy future for Caleb.

I'm thrilled for both of you. I love the name you chose. Thanks for the update. Keep us filled in. The children are curious as to what's happening. They are very happy for you.

I love both of you,
God speed for Caleb.

I’m so glad you’re out of the hospital and seem to be in good spirits. When A told me about the delivery the other day, I was surprised (along with everyone else) but was hopeful that everything would work out just fine. I’m glad that Caleb is breathing well and that the doctor is optimistic. Always good signs….. Just know that you, Cary and Caleb are in my thoughts and that you have support from everyone.

If there is anything I can do, please, please let me know.

I have heard the news on the newborn and just want to let you know that i am
very grateful to hear that yourself and Caleb are doing good! I just want
you to know that the three of you will be in my prayers.

Congrats on your sweet baby boy. I love his name.

I hope that you get feeling better soon and I will be praying you, your husband and especially Caleb.

That's a beautiful name. I can't wait to see him. Please keep me updated.

Crying yet? I have more...

About 1 1/2 weeks after Caleb was born, Cary went into the hospital with endocarditis. He was in the hospital for 4 days. When he came home, he was on IV antibotics for about 5 weeks. The dr told us that if Cary didn't go to the doctor when he did and start getting treatments, he would have died. Just what you want to hear 1 1/2 weeks after your son is born 13 weeks early.

My email from the day after Cary went home (October 26)
Cary's home!! He was discharged late last night and we went straight to Gwinnett Medical to see Caleb. Cary has a PIC line in his arm. The nurse is coming by at 10 am to show us how to injection the antibotics. He will be on antibotics for about 4 weeks. He will get 2 antibotics every 12 hours.

Caleb's belly is puffy. They are doing another ultrasound today to see what's making it puffy. He does have an infection in his lungs. They have him on 2 antibotics (one of them is the same one Cary is on). He is back on IV fluids. Still all normal preemie stuff. Other then that, he's doing great. He is growing so fast!

I don't know how we made it through all of this.
A few days after Cary came home, we found out Caleb had brian bleeds, potential brian damage, and was at high risk for developmenting cerebral palsey. And he needed a surgery to put a device in the soft spot on his head to drain the extra fluid around his brain.

October 28:
Caleb will be going to Scottish Rite Friday morning for a procedure. He will be there for about 2 to 3 days, then he will go back to Gwinnett Medical.

He does not have an infection! Some of his levels were off (like his protein and magnesuim levels). The doctor's giving him extra stuff to correct the levels.

They did another Xray of his belly. Everything looks good.

Cary's doing great. The nurse showed us how to inject his antibotics yesterday. It is very easy! He will be on the antibotics for about 4 weeks. He goes to the doctor November 4 for a check-up.

Feb. 23
How I told me friends I was pregnant with lil' nolan.

20 Random Thoughts - - - List yours and send to friends!

1. when will Caleb come home
2. how big will Caleb be when he gets home
3. wonder how much they will up his feedings today
4. do I have to work today
5. can I just play all day
6. are we ever going to have another girls night
7. are people still reading my random thought?
8. wonder if has updated yet
9. what is everyone going to think when they read my thoughts
10. how long will Caleb be home before the new baby arrives
11. will I make it term with this baby
12. how hard is it going to be to have 2 babies under 1
13. can I get my tubes tied at 29?
14. when will they ship me off to the hospital for bedrest
15. will my work be patient with all the time off I'm going to need
16. how is Cary going to take care of 2 babies to at home alone all day long
17. LOL! Cary taking care of 2 babies!
18. When will Cary finally change his first diaper?
19. what is everyone thinking now?
20. who will respond first?

March 27:
Thought everyone would like to know how the dr (for the new baby) went today.

Everything looks great. The baby is VERY active. It was moving so much more then Caleb did, and he moved a lot!

I will have a cerclage some time next week. I have also decided to get weekly progesterone shots. Both things will help this pregnancy last longer. The nurse will be calling me in the next few days to let me know the date and time of the cerclage.
The shots usually start at about 16 weeks. I don't know too much about the shots. I do know they have been proven to prolong pregnancies and the longer the baby is in me, the better.
I will be having a McDonald cerclage. They will give me an epidural for the procedure. Usually, they send you home the same day. If I show any signs of preterm labor, they will keep me overnight for monitoring. I will have a couple of days of home bedrest, then I'll be back to normal - with some restrictions. The doctor said we will talk about the restrictions later.

I go back to the perinatologist on April 10 for a follow-up. Then, back to the OB on April 25 for a regular check up. After that, I'll only have about 3 million appointments left.

My due date is October 10, but the baby is measuring October 15-16. So, the perinat. will be talking to my OB about changing my due date to October 16.

We haven't decided if we are going to find out the sex of the baby.

Caleb update:
If you haven't heard yet, I had a meeting with Dr L Sunday afternoon. He said they are getting Caleb ready to come home!! It will be about 1-2 months before he is ready. They are working to get him off some of his medicines, off the feeding tube, and on lower nasal cannula settings.

April 25:
I am so sorry to read that Caleb has passed away. I know that was so unexpected. I just don't know what to say. I can't imagine your pain. I just want you to know that I am here for you. I know you don't feel like talking right now, but when you do, please call me. If there is anything at all that I can do for you, please let me know. Anything at all. I am so sad for you and your family. You are in my prayers.

I was saddened to hear of Caleb's passing. Please know that I am among those who are praying for you and your family. I am praying that the Lord will surround you all with His loving and comforting presence.

So sorry to hear about Caleb. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

Oh, Elizabeth, how very sorry I am to hear about Caleb! May God comfort you as only He can!

My heart goes out to you at this time and my prayers are with you and your family. May God comfort and sustain you in the hours and days ahead.

I have kept up with Caleb through (work) and have been praying for all of you since his birth. My prayer is that God's grace will be as sufficient for you as it was for my wife and I when we went through the loss of a child.

April 27:
From Hedda

I wondered how to update the band. I left the hospital Monday night and told G to take care of Caleb. I know he will. They will be BFF like us.

I swear, you have to stop copying me. At least, if you do keep copying me MWEFA will be ok. :) (before Nolan was monster he was Molly William Everett Frank Ann (MWEFA) - all the names we had talked about using. Hedda's first son G was born premature and passed away. Her second son was born pre-term and is now a perfect 2-year-old - with BIG blue eyes.)

Don't worry about my birthday. K and I will celebrate Saturday. It's no big deal. (We scheduled Caleb's memorial on her birthday! I felt so bad when I realized what we did)

Tomorrow I will be there for you. I will be watching you to make sure you are okay. I feel like I can read you fairly well. If you get overwhelmed or need time to yourself just give me a signal and I will whisk you (or you and Cary) away.

I love you.

It that wasn't bad enough, I have more...
Hey. I have been thinking about you a lot the last couple of days. I just
wanted you to know how glad I am that Mom and Dad didn't stop with Stephen.
I am glad you are my sister and that we seem to even be friends! I truly
wish that I could do something to make you feel better, to take away your
sadness. But I know that is just a wish. I know that God has some currently
unfathomable reason why He has allowed you to come to this painful
place...even though I don't actually agree with Him right now about it. Just
know that I love you. Mac

(now I know MAC is crying - some one pass her another tissue please)

October 9, 2006
How's it going? Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about Caleb today and will tomorrow on his birthday. This morning, I looked at his photos that are saved to my computer. Such a precious chunk.

Only God can give us hearts that are capable of the love like you have for your children. Maybe that's how He loves us and then some.

I could go on and tell you how I feel about the holidays, but this is enough for 1 post. No more crying for today.

I'll give you a happy post soon - as soon as I have more free time.


Hedda said...

Thanks for the tissue warning.

What you don't know is that K and C left for Boston tonight and will be gone until Saturday night.

You know, we really didn't become BFF until Caleb came into your life. For some reason God chose to bless you with your precious chunk for only a short time on this earth. I don't have answers for you. If I did, I would have answers for me.

I've always heard that God will not give us more than we can handle. And I've always said that he gives me too much credit. I would say you fall in that category, too.

I owe you an email about the holidays. I just haven't decided what to say yet.

I miss you. I miss Caleb, too. I know he and G watch over all of us everyday.

sarah said...

As I have told you before, our stories with our firstborn children are so alike it's scary. I think about you often, especially when I am having a rough day. Everytime I think about Logan, I think about Caleb. They must be friends, as thier "earth stories" are so similar. I am so happy that Nolan is healthy, and seems to be doing so well. I will continue to pray for your precious family, and I will especially think of you during the holidays (I am almost dreading them in a way).

Mrs. S said...

Thanks for the warning ahead of time about the tissues... I'm sorry to hear you're needing them. Wish I could say something wonderful and deep, but I got nothing... blame the sleep dep. Hang in there!


Mary Ann said...

You are such a rat...I know, you warned us about the tissues. I still thought maybe I could handle reading all of that because I have read it all before...nope. I will blame it on pregnancy hormones and not on my own sappiness...although that probably plays a huge part in it, too. I just want you to know that I miss Caleb also. I don't think a day has gone by that I haven't thought about him...and mentioned to God how much I disagree with Him over this "turn of events." I am so glad that Nolan is fat and happy...and that you and your little family are getting through this (not over, just through). I love you. You are constantly in my prayers.